An update?!?!

It's been some time since I last wrote anything, but I have some rambling to do, and this is one of the few places I feel I can say some of the things I'm feeling without ever one close to me freaking out.

My involvement with the nightmare project, and indeed the company, is over, barring any pending need for witness statements. The company had been slowly circling the drain for a long time, and its practically dead now. At this point only ownership family and a few stragglers are even employed under the name anymore.

I saw my layoff coming from miles away. When they closed down the Carlsbad office and moved me to the main office, I had hopes of being put to use elsewhere and only returning to Carlsbad when it was time to iron out the odd outstanding issue. Instead, I was shunted into a quiet corner and told to "focus on Carlsbad", despite everything involved with the project coming to a screeching litigious halt. After only a few weeks, I found myself spending most of my time surfing internet forums in a feeble attempt to appear busy to the casual observer. I asked to be put on other projects. I butted in and helped others with their work, where I could get away with it. I was unerringly told to focus on the one unmoving project. I did little of significance besides transcribing a few of the more contentious meetings I had recorded, and index copies of the correspondence between entities involved in the project.

The weeks stretched into months. It wasn't so bad; I was making nice pay for practically no responsibility beyond being on-hand when one of the executives needed questions answered from someone who had actually been there. I might have actually enjoyed it completely if not for the two hour each direction commute.

The company had already been struggling somewhat when we picked up the nightmare job. What we hoped would be a difficult but ultimately good project turned into the two year nightmare it was, which didn't help our profitability any. On top of that, the other two big projects we had hit massive delays, budget overruns, and (in my suspicions, though I have no proof) inside theft. The few smaller projects we had that stayed profitable were not enough to buoy up the company.

And then the State stopped placing paving projects for bid for a number of months, which continues to this day.

Really, it was just the last of many nails in the coffin lid, but it was clear to most people the company was going to quickly be vastly smaller, if it survived at all.

My layoff came in mid-March. At the time it was a great relief. I had a sizeable nest egg and few bills to begin with, and was very frustrated after spending so long watching a company steer headlong for the metaphoric rocks in spite of the many people warning against it. Frankly, many in the company management acted as if going under were the goal all along, and I'm positive a few profited greatly on a personal level from driving it there.

The company still exists, but the bulk of their assets have been sold, and I doubt they are even capable of being even a small scale highway paving company at this point. They certainly can't with the old self sufficiency they had only a few months ago.

So I've been unemployed for six months now. I had one interview early on with no positive outcome, that I suspect served to get a former coworker a raise (she was leaving the position and asked me to apply, then ultimately stayed). That's fine; at that point I did not really want a job anyway. However, a chest pain scare ate a large chunk of my nest egg in completely out of pocket hospital bills, and I'm at the point where unemployment insurance would normally run out. The highway construction industry still has not picked up (in this State) and the immediate future looks bleak in that area, as well.

And to be honest, the whole series of events with the company has soured me on the idea of working for someone else ever again. It was so incredibly frustrating watching the company make bad decision after bad decision, and having little to no influence to even mitigate the upcoming train wreck. I'm not sure I could endure going through that scenario again. At least if I'm working for myself, I can influence what direction the ship's headed.

But starting up on my own is a whole new Gordian knot. I've got experience in construction management, but no degree. I've done project estimating, but only on a very small scale. I've been part way through college for an engineering degree, but still have a couple years to put in before that could be completed, and that's not even considering the requirements to get a PE license. I've got a mortgage and the associated responsibilities to bear in mind. While I still have a bit of a nest egg, it's not exceptional (and is dwindling). And even if I just dove in, the upcoming construction market looks pretty bleak for a while, at least as far as highways go. To be honest, I'm not even sure where to start marketing myself if I did.

I'm really not sure what to do, and this paralysis is paired with a long term non-working inertia I need to overcome.