I found these this weekend while prowling the local bulk store.
They're like a little childhood memory followed me into adulthood.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Thursday, October 13, 2011
I'm expecting Major Major Major Major any minute now.
So I mentioned earlier that I work for a highway construction company. It's a profession that caters nearly exclusively to government contracts. Frequently we get caught in absurd Catch-22 moments when regulations fail and common sense is not allowed to prevail.
For example, the project I'm currently working on has landscaping and irrigation incorporated as part of a city beautification effort. We are to design an irrigation system for the landscaping based upon provided specifications, and submit it to the highway department for approval. The irrigation system is to be designed based upon elevation and pressures of five existing water meters on the project. No part of the irrigation or landscaping work may be started prior to the approval of the design.
Just prior to the start of the project, the city had replaced the water mains beneath the streets we are rebuilding. There are now no existing water meters to base a design upon.
So this begins a several month long circular argument between our landscaping subcontractor, ourselves, and the highway department that resembles to the following:
Landscaper: Where are you going to put the water meters, so we can begin the design process?
Department: Where do you want the meters to be?
Landscaper: Do you want me to pick locations? How can I do that and make sure it meets the irrigation system design requirements?
Department: The meter locations are in the landscaping plans. You can't design the irrigation system until you've taken the pressure and elevation of the meters.
Landscaper: But where are the meters? They aren't shown in the plans.
Department: Where do you want the meters to be?
Landscaper: Do you want me to just pick locations?
Me: Third base!
Throw in numerous instances of the department asking when I would finally have an irrigation design to submit, and you can see why I've studiously avoided buying ammunition. I don't need the temptation.
After literal months of this, I finally broke down and simply designated five locations. The city installed the meters, our landscapers got the pressures and elevations, and submitted their design.
Now, the department had specified old-technology wired controllers for the irrigation system. Our landscaper, knowing the hassles associated with maintaining the old style system, designed using a newer radio-controlled system that has fewer headaches for everyone that uses or maintains it. It's a more expensive controller, but saves the installation of miles of low voltage wiring below ground.
The highway department was happy with the better control system, but wants a price reduction, since it's different from what was specified, and the landscaper doesn't have to run the wiring (but still has to trench all of the piping). We offer a price discount, but the department isn't happy with the amount, hoping for something in the ballpark of 1/5 the cost of the original price.
So, basically we're at this point:
Department: This Ferrari isn't the used Pinto we specified.
Us: No, it's a Ferrari. It's better in every way.
Department: Ok, you can sell us the Ferrari, but we want a discount on the original price.
Us: Fine. We'll knock off the cost of the tint and fuzzy dice.
Department: We were thinking more like a 20% discount from the used Pinto price, since you won't have to buy anti-explosion insurance with the Ferrari.
Us: Wha?!
I'm telling you, this project has been surreal. We should just sell them the used Pinto at full price.
For example, the project I'm currently working on has landscaping and irrigation incorporated as part of a city beautification effort. We are to design an irrigation system for the landscaping based upon provided specifications, and submit it to the highway department for approval. The irrigation system is to be designed based upon elevation and pressures of five existing water meters on the project. No part of the irrigation or landscaping work may be started prior to the approval of the design.
Just prior to the start of the project, the city had replaced the water mains beneath the streets we are rebuilding. There are now no existing water meters to base a design upon.
So this begins a several month long circular argument between our landscaping subcontractor, ourselves, and the highway department that resembles to the following:
Landscaper: Where are you going to put the water meters, so we can begin the design process?
Department: Where do you want the meters to be?
Landscaper: Do you want me to pick locations? How can I do that and make sure it meets the irrigation system design requirements?
Department: The meter locations are in the landscaping plans. You can't design the irrigation system until you've taken the pressure and elevation of the meters.
Landscaper: But where are the meters? They aren't shown in the plans.
Department: Where do you want the meters to be?
Landscaper: Do you want me to just pick locations?
Me: Third base!
Throw in numerous instances of the department asking when I would finally have an irrigation design to submit, and you can see why I've studiously avoided buying ammunition. I don't need the temptation.
After literal months of this, I finally broke down and simply designated five locations. The city installed the meters, our landscapers got the pressures and elevations, and submitted their design.
Now, the department had specified old-technology wired controllers for the irrigation system. Our landscaper, knowing the hassles associated with maintaining the old style system, designed using a newer radio-controlled system that has fewer headaches for everyone that uses or maintains it. It's a more expensive controller, but saves the installation of miles of low voltage wiring below ground.
The highway department was happy with the better control system, but wants a price reduction, since it's different from what was specified, and the landscaper doesn't have to run the wiring (but still has to trench all of the piping). We offer a price discount, but the department isn't happy with the amount, hoping for something in the ballpark of 1/5 the cost of the original price.
So, basically we're at this point:
Department: This Ferrari isn't the used Pinto we specified.
Us: No, it's a Ferrari. It's better in every way.
Department: Ok, you can sell us the Ferrari, but we want a discount on the original price.
Us: Fine. We'll knock off the cost of the tint and fuzzy dice.
Department: We were thinking more like a 20% discount from the used Pinto price, since you won't have to buy anti-explosion insurance with the Ferrari.
Us: Wha?!
I'm telling you, this project has been surreal. We should just sell them the used Pinto at full price.
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